Cold nights without you...!

Today is another of those cold night when your presence is felt with more pain than the other days...

Unfortunate dreams fulfill their objectives once again by leaving my thought empty for the lonely space which my heart seems to be getting quite familiar with.

In the empty dark room I'm able to see your face clearly, thinking if that's an illusion created for being awake by my sleepless nights, but no!

Its seems to be a projection of my mind, which has done a research through my memories and brought up scene within tears from the hard past.

Sleepless and unable to try at least, without apparent reason, I stand up to take a look at the moon out side...

I strangely think that through the night lighter, somewhere you've been watching me all along, and praying...

I guess is just my imagination which still lives around hopes and more hopes, and I guess that's the reason most people suffer so much this modern days with love things...

Now a days is hard, and its getting harder.

I getting the feeling that loving someone is no longer like it used to be... People who loved used to give their soul just to be with that someone!!!

I guess that's just life...

By the time we move on and on with life, we learn something each day, but....

What have I learnt so far?

It seems to be a hard question to find an answer to my own doubt... but sometimes I get the feeling that I'm learning how is it feel to feel meaningless in a middle of the crowd and always have the same feeling.
Constantly...
Will I ever be free from this?
I seem to be the person who most complain about life, but also the one who does not regret any single moment lived.
I sure have passed wonderful times that anyone wished to be through. But instead of happiness I possessed this strange anger, which I carry for a long time but never understanding it's purpose within me...
I do not know who to hate, I do not know who to be mad at, I do not know who to blame!!
But why search for witnesses or guilties, when the one who I should blame is myself?
I heard from a friend that "Fate" is sketched by the decisions that we take...
Is it my fault that my life is having problems to find happiness?
Did I take the wrong turn for a chance?
Did my decisions lead to such a winding life? How can I change it??
I wish I could be next to those who I really love... and I guess there I wouldn't need to fake a smile, avoind certain conversations subjects or even hide feelings...
Crazily I look for arms to hold me without no sorrow for that I can rest to my mind stunned, where can I rest the my tear of pain without that the remainder world see...
Some one like an angel, some who make me feel in some where, somehow "new"!!

Just with a simple hug... but I guess its impossible...
I guess that's just life unfortunantely...